When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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