we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
