I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
