This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
