The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
