i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
