smell my finger.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
PANTIES FOUND
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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