I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
