Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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