It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
