Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
