Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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