So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
