There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
