Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
