I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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