I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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