Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
