Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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