Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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