i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
