The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
