Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
