i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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