somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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