It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
