Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
