During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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