Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
