coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
