it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
