I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
