Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize