I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sext me about skeletons
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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