I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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