Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
