When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
