Got a toothbrush?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
