this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
