So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
