I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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