It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
