Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to cum in my sink.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
