Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are we still banned from the library?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
