It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dick very happy bro
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
