Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
