um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
