Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize