So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
