i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
