I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
