Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
